An Open Letter To Christian Singles

There is a certain science to dating. Or so our culture says. And there is a temptation in the process of it all to lose yourself to that science. To compromise and make choices that lead you down a path of losing sight of your identity, your convictions and even your own individuality for the sake of sacrificing it on the alter of getting what you think you most desire; the relationship. Love is perhaps one of the most driving forces of the human heart and finding that one person to spend your life with is perhaps one of the most painstaking processes of them all. Which is why social media feeds, books stores and tablets are now loaded with books and articles on how to both find and be that perfect someone. We’re all dying to know how to do this thing right and we’re also all amateurs at best.

I’ve recently seen a surplus of articles posted on my social media feed via some of the top online magazines with titles such as, 13 Tips To Make Him Want You More” and “What Women Really Want: 7 Things Every Man Can Do To Be Perfect For Her”. I also recently saw a book on the New York Times best seller list called, “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl”. I admit, from what I have read, some of the tips that these articles and this book offer aren’t in and of themselves bad, however what they communicate to men and women of our society is what can often be misleading.

The trouble with the solution that they offer us and that culture offers us, is it often reduces human behavior to a binary choice. It ignores the complexity and variety of human personalities and suggests that the solution to finding true love can be found in a cookie cutter formula…or even by possessing cookie cutter personality traits. As if you can simply turn off the less desirable aspects of who you are and turn on the more desirable ones. It assumes that uniqueness is weakness and communicates that the ultimate goal is winning over an individual instead of becoming the best person you can be ultimately for the glory of God, in spite of the acceptance or approval of that other individual. A man should fall in love with the woman that you are and have been long before he ever walked into your life. And the same goes for the men. Of course there are simple practical things you can do to make it fun 😉 and ensure the man knows he is the one pursuing. But, if you find that you are having to play the dating games that culture suggests and compromise who you are to keep him/her around, I would suggest that maybe he/she isn’t the right one for you. Games can only work for so long and soon enough if a relationship is driven by them, it will be found out. Relationships are meant to bring out the most beautiful, most vulnerable and most raw aspects of our true selves, not disguise them.

So my encouragement and prayer for any singles reading this is that you would learn how to date with dignity. That you would never lose sight of yourself, your convictions and your beliefs. That you would maintain your sense of self-worth, dignity and uniqueness no matter the outcome. That you would offer yourself fully: the beautiful and the ugly, the strong and the week. That you would always pursue excellence and becoming the best possible version of yourself that you can be, not for the sake of winning the affection of another person but solely for the glory of God. The process is scary, frustrating and even tiring at times but if you can come out on the other side with your identity, faith and dignity in tact, you have lost nothing and gained everything.